Ironically Fill a Stocking Suited for a Hipster
Mall parking lots are a mess and Wal-Mart lines are downright scary. This week we’re shopping in Maryland Heights to find five perfect stockings for the special people in your life.
Yesterday, we went shopping in Maryland Heights for people proud to say they've never been labeled cool. Today we're shopping for the cool people who will look down their nose at you for daring to use the word, since everyone who matters knows Hipsters are not "cool," but "deck."
These self declared arbiters of counterculture style can be found looting their grandfather's wardrobe for obscure clothes, criticizing employees at Best Buy for not carrying records on vinyl and declare every action they take is ironic. You can spot them by their winter current uniform of skinny jeans, chunky plastic glasses and fedoras.
Since Maryland Heights lacks a good haberdashery or any thrift stores within city limits, we fell back on the enjoyment of irony to fill a hipster stocking.
- $10 - 18 Pack Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer
- $2 - Candle with Death
- $2 - Candle with Hand
- $1 - Plum Nectar
- $1 - Mango Nectar
- $1 - Mexican Snack Cakes
- $1 - Two Obscure American Candies
The only people who drink Pabst Blue Ribbon either have wheels on their house or are hipsters. In fact, hipsters eagerness to ironically enjoy a beverage they claim to despise has resulted in higher prices and lower availability. Schnucks on Dorsett Road only had one 18 pack left in stock and was entirely out of six packs.
The self created shortage has made Pabst Blue Ribbon that much more valuable as a staple for parties, thus making a case a great present for any friend who looks like a homeless Elvis Costello.
Be sure to pick up some Cherry Mash while you're there. Nothing says "hippster" like old-time candy.
After Schnucks, wander across the street to Lara Market to pick up some more inexpensive — yet culturally obscure — stocking stuffers that mainstream culture won't understand. Lara Market has a large selection of Mexican Catholic Prayer Candles. Check the candle's back to find the most ironic wish or just pick whichever have the grim reaper drawn on the front.
While you're there, add in some children's foods with packaging entirely in Spanish for sugary hit, childhood reference and obscurity points. The same goes for cans of anything labeled "nectar."
If you're not comfortable playing cultural tourist, stop by Walgreens and visit the children's toy section. Ignore anything name brand or remotely desirable by an actual elementary school student. Instead, go for the plastic handcuffs, chubby knockoff Barbie dolls, green army men or any toys under $5 where the packaging is in another language.
You'll know your family hipster likes what you've picked out by how many times they refer to the contents of their stocking as "ironic."
Where to shop:
Schnucks - 2030 Dorsett Vlg
Walgreens - 12509 Dorsett Rd.
Lara Market #3 - 1926 McKelvey Rd.